We’re fast approaching Valentine’s Day and lovers all over the country are scratching their heads over which romantic gesture they will offer up to their significant other. Last year, it was predicted that people in the UK would spend £1.9 billion on Valentine’s Day, embracing that one time of the year where cliché’s are commonplace. Now we’re not ones to put a dampener on that, but we would advise that you take the relevant precautions.
Breakfast in bed
- Scalds from hot coffee.
- Salmonella from undercooked eggs.
- Crumbs in bed.
- Serve coffee luke warm.
- Use a tray to serve food. Preferably make partner wear a bib.
- Only use eggs with red lion mark, and cook them until the yolk is black.
- Leaving price tag on.
- Pricked by a thorn.
- Buy roses from reputable supplier and issue delivery driver with site rules, including removal of price tag.
- Instruct delivery company to place tiny piece of cotton wool or blue tack on every thorn.
- Alternatively, insist your partner wears robust gardening gloves all day.
- Leaving it too late, resulting in exposure to extreme coldness.
- Book in plenty of time.
- Alternatively go somewhere with an awful customer rating, meaning it is unlikely to be busy.
- Exposure to excessive dust gathering on cuddly toys for next 10 years.
- Buy something a little more creative. Cheapskate.
Booking a romantic break
- Aeroplane crash.
- Variety of deadly diseases – yellow fever, Ebola etc.
- Go to Wales or Cornwall instead. No dangerous pathogens can survive in the UK in February.
- Potential tooth injury from hard centres.
- Only buy soft centred chocolates.
- Have a dentist’s telephone number to hand in case of emergency.
- Broken heart.
- Eliminate the risk – stay single all your life.